engendered or undermined.
Make your agreements after taking the time to fully discuss how you honestly
feel, and what you ultimately want for yourself and your relationship.
Some couples choose to only make love with one another. Some choose to talk in advance of making love with another, to "check it out" or get permission.
Some couples feel comfortable with their lovers being free to love others any time, as long as it's done consciously,
conscientiously and with integrity for all concerned. Honor whatever agreements you make. If later either of you come to realize you need to alter your previous agreements, sit down and communicate that.
So if your husband did break an agreement with you, he owes you an apology. The fact that he did tell you is a sign of truthfulness in the relationship, which is
good. Truth is the bedrock of relationship.
This experience happened for a purpose. You can use it to bring you closer together, or use it to push each other away.
Ask your husband to say what he learned from the experience. What wound in his psyche was healed?
Talk to the woman he was with. Find out what her
experience was. Perhaps this was for her also a healing experience.
If she sent him back to you better than he was before, you could even thank her!
The more that is known, the less there is to fantasize about, and the more understanding there can be.
This can be an opportunity for both of you to communicate more in depth about
your feelings and your needs. It could bring you even closer together.
Bottom line, you can use this kind of experience to become angry, bitter and unhappy, or you can use it for growth. You can turn your jealousy into
empathy (compersion) and your rage into compassion. You can use it to become a more loving person.