Dr. Sasha (Alex) Lessin & Janet Kira Lessin

Answer Questions from the More Loving Perspective
Wife's Encouragement Heals Husband's Lovers

Question: My husband, Lionel, and I are polyamorous. I love two other men; Lionel loves several women. He frequently asks me to join him and one of his lovers when they make love. Usually I decline their invitation. I tell the woman I want her to have Lionel alone, and enjoy the attention, affection, support and healing he gives so generously. The woman, often, cannot believe that I'm really OK with this. I tell her, "Think of Lionel as giving you my love too, when he loves you".

Sometimes I do join them, especially if I sense the woman needs me there to show her that I'm not upset about her loving Lionel. Usually, however, I'd rather wait and love him alone. My main concern is that the other woman feel how comfortably I share him so she can start to heal the fear and rivalry women are taught to expect when they love another woman's husband. 
     Do you think I should join his lovemaking with others more or is verbal encouragement enough? 

WatersnakesII by Gustav Klimt

Sasha: Sounds like you already have your own answer: join him when you authentically feel drawn to be; decline 
and bless him and the other woman who've invited you to join them when you'd rather to something else than share sexual intimacy. 
     You sound intuitive and communicative. Letting the women your husband loves know you genuinely bless their loving may help heal some of the Hera-Complex patriarchal conditioning leads us to expect. We fear the wife, like Zeus's mate, Hera, will harm his other lovers. So when you share your mate so lovingly, you heal Hera. When you welcome another woman verbally or by joining the lovemaking, you also model for her how to share. So you spread the love and openness. Thank you.