Dr. Sasha (Alex) Lessin & Janet Kira Lessin

Answer Questions from the More Loving Perspective
She Fears Mate'll Prefer New Lover

Question: I 'd like to be polyamorous, but I’m afraid my husband will like someone better than me.  I  know he really loves me, but I’m afraid to take the chance of losing that love.  If I open the space for another woman to be his lover too, how can 
I be sure of not losing him to her?

Sasha: There are no guarantees whether you have a monogamous or polyamorus lifestyle whether someone will stay with you or not. The old paradigm of hierarchy can be somewhat shifted in polyamory by appreciating the variety of people available to us in our lives. Instead of "better or worse" we can use the concept of "different". Our differences make us unique. A mother with several children might enjoy different qualities in them, but she loves all of them.

    If you and your husband have a good relationship and you feel a great deal of love flowing between you, you can be fairly sure that the love won’t go away if you find someone else to love with. Qualities of different lovers can add to you and your husbands relationship. One person can’t possibly fill all of our needs. Different intimates bring out different qualities in us, which, when those qualities emerge, become a part of who we are. Everyone benefits from us being more of who we can be.

Lancelot & Guinevere by Eleanor Fortescue-Brickdale